Can I write anything of substance in 15 minutes?
We shall see.
I started a new, demanding lactation consultant, job last week and the experience of it is so all encompasing at this point I need to find a way to make some space for myself or I will surely drown. Surely I can carve out 15 minutes at lunch, once week to step back and write.
Not suprisingly, what’s on my mind lately is work-life balance. Last Thursday evening, after four straight days of work Older broke down angrily “I hate your new job!” he shouted at me after a too late dinner (because I have a long commute and don’t get home until after 7:00 at best). The past week and a half has been a constant clash of those moments. Should I take the time for individual conversations with each child or should I go to bed by 10:00 so that I might hope to get seven hours of sleep before I am up in the dark at 5:30? Is it better for my husband to let the kids watch TV so he can make us a home cooked dinner or is it better to just save everyone the stress and order pizza? By the way, it turns out that the kids actually can get tired of pizza/quesadillas/mac and cheese. Is it better for me to go to the gym near work and exercise for 45 minutes, waiting for traffic to die down so that my commute will “only” be an hour or is it better for me to go straight home from work but sit in traffic for an hour and forty five minutes.
I don’t know the answer to any of the equestions. I do know that right now, life feels really hard. I keep thinking I just need to get though “one more day” or “one more week” as if I will then reach some mythical finish line. I am trying to accept that a week and half into a new job is probably too soon to really know what to do (not that I have other good options). Yesterday was a particularly bad day. Today is better.
Time to go back into the hospital and just keep swimming.