Hoarder in Training

It was hot and humid today with the heat index pushing 100 degrees.  We’ve only got air conditioning in the bedrooms so as the afternoon heat began to ooze from the walls I thought about what I could do in a bedroom.  (Get your mind out of the gutter – Husband was at work).  Everyone was out of the house but me so I decided to take advantage of all the kids being away and tackle long neglected task of cleaning out the kids’ room.  You see, I can’t really clean (and by clean I mean purge) their room when they are home.  They would have an aneurysm if they saw me throwing away their precious bits of paper and cheap birthday party favors.  So in blissful silence and with a large glass of ice cold lemonade I stored away winter clothes and replenished Baby’s closet with items handed down from Middle.  I folded away heavy comforters and packed them into suitcases.  I went through all their beds and then made them up with their stuffed animals neatly organized by category at the foot.  Baby’s bed took less than five minutes.  I tided her stash of colored pencils and journals and then made up the bed.  Middle’s bed didn’t take much longer; just a few stray toy cars amongst her stuffed animals.  But I lost an hour of my life six feet in the air (up where it’s hot) dealing with Older’s top bunk bed.  It was like an episode of Hoarders*.  Besides his pillows and blankets the things I found included:

  • 1 penny (a $20 would have been nice for my troubles)
  • 1,437,822 tissues (approximately)
  • 1 cork
  • 3 clothespins
  • 4 paper airplanes
  • 8 socks of three different varieties, none of them in pairs
  • Enough colored pencils to supply a small nation
  • Various plain pencils, all without erasers
  • 2 half completed journals
  • A hell of a lot of blank computer paper
  • 12 rainbow loom bracelets (the kids use one at their after school program – we do not own one of them and I intend to keep it that way)
  • 1 small chocolate Easter egg (still wrapped in foil and, no, I did not eat it – I am not that hard up for chocolate)
  • A granola bar wrapper
  • 1 orange plastic spider ring (are there orange spiders?)
  • 1 small gold plastic figurine of a mummy
  • 2 small plastic dinosaurs
  • 1 Lego dinosaur
  • 1 set of Lego wings
  • A pair of, very sharp, sewing scissors (under his pillow no less)
  • 2 graphic novels (from the library – found before their due dates – bonus points for me!)
  • A paperback Star Wars book
  • A book on how lasers work
  • A book of optical illusions
  • The book “Math Curse”
  • The book “Dear Mr. Henshaw
  • The book “Easy to Make Pop-Ups
  • A ball of what I believe to be the dried remnants of an outdoor “paint” I made the kids out of cornstarch and food dye
  • 47 stuffed animals (no this is not an exaggeration)
  • Paper cut-outs of R2-D2, Luke Skywalker, and Darth Vader that we used to decorate his half birthday cake
  • A paper describing a game he invented called “Star Wars Robots” (it didn’t look half bad)
  • A paper folded into an envelope marked “Top Secret” (I didn’t open it.  I don’t have a security clearance anymore.)
  • And the best item…a list of his desired summer plans which included many references to various play dates with a girl, K, that he has a monster crush on (It went something like this:  “Invite K over for a swim in the pool.  Invite K over to watch a movie.  Go to the Natural History museum with K.”)

I think my 18 year old self would pretty horrified but in the end, if not exactly fun, it made for an extremely satisfying afternoon.  Now if only it would stay that way.


*I have never seen Hoarders, only heard horror stores about it.  I fear watching it would make my anal retentive, organized, borderline OCD brain explode into a million messy pieces.


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