Middle told me this morning that she doesn’t love me very much. “I don’t love you very much”, she stated plainly. Then she added “I half love you and half don’t love you.” When I asked what made her say that, she said she didn’t know “That’s just how I feel.” I emailed Husband about it and his response was that “She is four years old. She is transgender. She is confused.” All true, but comments like that hurt nonetheless.
After being a parent for nearly seven years I am quite used angry pronouncements of “You’re the meanest mom ever!” said in a post-consequence moment. Those comments don’t bother me; they never have. We all feel supremely angry at someone at times and I completely understand why a child would be mad at me for taking away something they cared about due to inappropriate behavior. I don’t for a second think that my kids being angry with me means that they don’t love me or don’t know that I love them. But Middle’s comments today were completely out of the blue. We were having a lazy, relaxing morning, talking about Christmas. I didn’t really end up responding to her; I didn’t know how. I just said OK and moved on with our plans to finish getting dressed and go play outside. I am hurt though and worried about how best to take care of this challenging, sensitive child. I feel like nothing I do will ever, ever be enough for her.